


Babywearing

by rainbowtaurus



Series: Bedsharing [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fatherhood, Flashbacks, Forbidden Love, Happy Ending, Kylo Ren is emotionally healthy, Kylo jealous of his Knights, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Office Sex, Parenthood, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pregnancy, Reylo Baby, Romantic Fluff, Secret Relationship, Sensitive Kylo Ren, Sexual Content, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, big feels, cavity inducing sweet, light humor, major character cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-10-26 15:41:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20744627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowtaurus/pseuds/rainbowtaurus
Summary: Kylo Ren wears his infant daughter in order to complete a special surprise for Rey.He reminisces about their once secret relationship."The role of Supreme Leader does not lessen his loneliness. On the surface he exudes strength, but inside Kylo is fragile: haunted by the mistakes of his past and terrified of loss. Rey shines a light into the darkest corners of his soul. She still believes he has one."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of the Bedsharing series. A series of one-shots chronicling Rey and Kylo's lives as new parents (w/ flashbacks to their pre-baby lives). Huge thank you to zenjen for being my beta ❤️ You did an incredible job.
> 
> There is a flashback within a flashback. For simplicity's sake *all* flashbacks are italicized.  
thx for reading 💜
> 
> ***

The first time he tries on the baby carrier it does not go well.

The second time is even worse.

The third time, the_ one time _ he needs it to work it fails dismally. 

For the first time since their daughter’s birth, Rey feels ready to get back into training. 

Five months have passed: five long months of catching sleep when they can, hundreds of diaper changes, worrying if the baby spits up too much. And that rash on her skin, is it normal? Breastfeeding goes well, but there are nights when nothing seems to calm their daughter. 

Rey paces topless, tears in her eyes as she tries to get the baby to accept her breast, not understanding why she has to refuse it at 3am.

It was a challenge getting the baby to accept a bottle in the beginning - it is baffling to them when it is all that she wants. Kylo does his best to comfort Rey when this happens. 

Nothing about parenting is easy or predictable, but it is full of joy. 

They enjoy watching their daughter’s temperament emerge. She is a happy baby, but Kylo wonders if there are any _ unhappy _ babies. She gurgles and coos, content, until she is set down. The stroller, the baby chairs - she rejects them all. 

Being held, being touched is all that calms her. 

Neither of them want to order a droid to hold her - Rey is not completely opposed to the idea, but Kylo flat out shuts it down. Babies are not meant to be cared for by robots.

This is why the baby carrier becomes a necessity.

And now, Kylo_ needs _ the carrier to work. 

When Finn asks if Rey wants to train with him, Kylo encourages her to go. Old wounds are slowly mending between him and the former stormtrooper. Finn became one of her biggest sources of support when news of the pregnancy broke. When news broke that a consensual relationship between the Supreme Leader and a top Resistance leader existed. 

Finn earns his respect for that - and more. 

Rey physically recovers after giving birth, but emotionally her fears of abandonment resurface. She worries about leaving their daughter alone, even with her father. There is no reason to take it personally - Kylo knows the trauma of abandonment runs deep in Rey. His mother says the postpartum hormones intensify it, but he does not bring up hormones. He does not _ dare_.

Finn will arrive soon to pick up Rey and the baby needs to be calm. He does not want their daughter’s fussiness to change Rey’s mind. He wants her to feel at ease.

Besides, he has plans of his own. 

Kylo attempts the carrier again.

It does not matter how much he widens the straps, lengthens the front buckle. It is much too small for his broad back, the vast expanse of his shoulders prevent the carrier from clipping. 

His daughter’s face turns crimson as she screams, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She flails, the screams turning shrill. It flusters Kylo and he picks her up, bouncing her in one arm while cursing the structured carrier. She settles, just in time as Rey emerges from the fresher. 

Rey digs through a pile of clothing and blankets and lets out a pleased exclamation when she finds what she is looking for. 

She walks over holding the wrap; soft fabric that he’s watched her fold and tuck in intricate patterns to carry their daughter. 

“Here, this is long enough,” Rey centers the wrap at his chest, bringing one side under his arm and across his back to the opposite shoulder. She repeats the pattern with the other end and creates a horizontal pocket for the baby to nest in.

Kylo centers their daughter on his chest and slides her into the soft material. Rey’s nimble fingers work around them, making final adjustments until the baby doesn’t sink, lean, or budge when Kylo removes his hands.

“There,” Rey steps back proudly, “She will nap for hours if you keep moving.”

Kylo tried to master the wrap, she’s shown him before. But he’s never been good with anything that requires a bit of an artistic touch. Everything he makes by hand is a bit...crude. 

Rey disagrees. 

“It just takes practice,” She arches on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Where are you two going anyway?” 

Kylo will never get away with fabricating an excuse. He gives her one of his blank, nonchalant stares.

“You’ll see.” 

“I’ll _ see_? Hmph.”

There is a knock at the door. Kylo knows who it is. 

“Have a good time with Finn. And...stay out as long as you’d like.” 

_ Have a good time with Finn. _

Of all the improbable things that had happened that sentence might outweigh them all.

Almost. 

Kylo swoops down to steal another kiss from Rey and the baby protests. He needs to get moving. 

When the doors open, he nods in acknowledgement towards Finn.

Finn’s eyes widen at seeing the baby strapped to Kylo. The contrast of someone vulnerable and tiny against a man who still exudes lethal authority and power is bizarre. 

In fact, it is bizarre for both of them to face each other. For Kylo to witness someone he considered a cowardly traitor hold a high ranking position in the Resistance. For Finn to realize the Supreme Leader of a transitioning First Order is capable of change.

“Hey Rey,” Finn says, “You ready?” 

Rey pecks a kiss on their daughter’s head.

“Right. I’m ready,” she sighs, not budging. 

Kylo and Finn exchange a glance. 

“Okay Rey,” Finn gently touches her elbow, “Looks like your...looks like _ he _ has it covered.”

“I do,” Kylo agrees, “Go on, Rey. She’ll sleep the entire time. Don’t worry.”

Rey bites a nail, an old, nervous habit. 

“Alright. Okay. But if _ anything _seems wrong…”

“I’ll contact you.”

“We’ll come back.”

Finn and Kylo answer her simultaneously. 

After another round of kisses and double checking the wrap, Rey leaves with Finn. Kylo lets out a long breath. 

It is a big step for her. Even if the training simulator is only three floors down.

It hits him that he is alone with their daughter: really, truly alone with her for the first time. She sleeps, for now, and Kylo exits the room. He briskly walks the corridor, hoping Rey does not change her mind.

Finn almost called him Rey’s husband, he could sense it. 

Except he is not Rey’s husband. Not legally and not ceremonially.

Their force connection binds them more intimately than any wedding or formal commitment ceremony. Rey said as much, the first time he proposed. 

It was not a premeditated proposal. He did not have a ring or flowery words of love. He did not kneel. It was not a proper proposal, not at all.

But he meant every word of it.

Asking her to be his life partner had been on his mind for years. Until the dust settled between the Resistance and First Order he thought it unattainable. It was merely a pipe dream. 

His proposal came on the heel of Rey sharing the life shattering news she was pregnant. 

It is impossible for Kylo to forget the time Rey shared the news with him. The news that she was expecting a baby. 

His baby.

***

_ It happens at a summit between the First Order and the Resistance. It is full of negotiations and tedious meetings that drag on for hours. Both sides are depleted in resources, military numbers, and morale. Both sides agree to try and find a way to coexist. _

_ Against all odds a _ _ bilateral agreement is reached. Contracts are drawn up, __analyzed, and sent back to be rewritten. _

_ They are not achieving peace, not even close, but it is something. _

_ Kylo prepares to sign the contract with his Knights as witnesses. A clause catches his eye that gives him reason to pause. _

_ “This section here. It outlines a list of manufacturers stating that the Order will no longer trade with them. When was this discussed?” _

_ The sound of chair legs dragging across the floor jerks his head to attention. _

_ Kylo’s eyes flicker up to Rey - it barely counts as a glance - as she breaks her silence. She stands and her gaze meets him dead-center. _

_ “During our negotiations last month. Surely you recall?” _

_ “Ah,” he responds dryly, “Yes. I do.” _

_*******_

_With a turn of the lock the office turns into a secret, sacred place. They let go with wild abandon. He is hungry for her touch, thirsty for her kiss._

_ “Rey…” he closes the gap between them, his fingers threading with hers as he holds her hands. _

_ Kylo is cut off when she launches herself at his lips, her mouth attacking his with such fury that he can barely keep up. _

_ “Just hurry,” Rey gasps, pulling at his belt, “Please.” _

_ Kylo knows how to disrobe her without faltering - now he can do it with his eyes closed. But touching her never stops being a new experience. He finds her skin soft and smooth beneath his fingertips; he runs his hands down her sides and over her hips. _

_ He spent too many years using his hands to carry out unspeakable violence, for acts that were anything but gentle. Some part of him is frightened his hands have lost the ability to move gently, will not know how to caress Rey’s body softly, tenderly. _

_ She bucks against him, reminding him their meeting is timed. _

_ For security reasons, of course. _

_ Kylo follows their usual protocol. _

_ He presses her against the wall and Rey moans, gasping as he fills her. It isn’t overly loud, but it might be enough to draw outside attention. A second cry escapes her lips and Kylo’s hand covers her mouth. It is not the first time he mutes the beautiful sounds coming out of her. He wishes it did not have to be this way. _

_ Kylo’s thrusts are even and deep, he fits her perfectly. She scrabbles helplessly at the wall, needing to hold on to something, anything. _

_ He bites his lower lip as he starts to thrust harder, one hand sliding between her soft thighs, easily finding her clit. He circles it, making her cry out his name. Kylo can't bring himself to muffle her again. He smiles fleetingly and continues to thrust, bending down to suck and bite at her neck, nosing her hair away so he can reach her sweaty skin with his mouth. _

_ Each time before they meet Kylo renews his vow to control himself, to demonstrate some constraint. _

_ To not touch her. _

_ She deserves to be with a hero - with a good man from the Resistance. A man with a clean moral track record. A man who never forced his way into her mind, a man who never hunted her like prey. _

_ A man who never broke her heart by making the wrong choice. _

_ “Tell me to stop Rey, tell me to leave you alone,” Kylo pants, his fingers digging into her hips. _

_ “No,” she whimpers, “I don’t want you to stop.” _

_ Her lips part as she comes, her body tightening like the string of a bow. One more thrust and Kylo is with her, groaning out her name as he buries his face in the side of her neck. His chest heaves as he tries to control his breathing. He lets out an elongated sigh and leaves a trail of wet kisses along her neck. She purrs and tilts her face around, capturing his mouth in a sloppy kiss. _

_ It does not matter that when they come together he assumes the dominant position. _

_ It is Rey who holds all the power over him. Every time. _

_ He spins her around and she clenches her legs around his waist. Her arms drape around his neck. _

_ “What are we negotiating?” She asks as he sets her down on the wide office desk. _

_ “Anything,” he’s out of breath, “You name it. I’ll agree to it when the time comes.” _

_ “Anything?” Rey asks. _

_ “Anything.” _

_Afterwards, for him, it is back to the frigid embrace of darkness and solitude. _

_ The role of Supreme Leader does not lessen his loneliness. _

_ On the surface he exudes strength, but inside Kylo is fragile: haunted by the mistakes of his past and terrified of loss. Rey shines a light into the darkest corners of his soul. She still believes he has one. _

_ He bears the ache, the unbelievable strain on his heart when he realizes these meetings, at some point, will come to an end. _

_ It is why he agrees to attend the summit between the First Order and the Resistance. _

_ He prepares to dismantle the First Order for her. _

_********_

_Kylo picks up the pen again and finds it heavy in his grip. With a sharp gesture his hand swoops across the document, his name glossy against the white paper. _

_ “There,” his voice deep and even,“It is done.” Kylo slides the paper across the table. _

_ General Organa signs with the top ranking Rebel leaders as her witnesses. _

_ Rey does not look at him again. She watches Leia, her shoulders tense until the General sets the pen down. _

_ Their interactions during the summit continue to be civil and guarded. _

_ Kylo wants to find a space to talk to her in private but she is near impossible to find. A formal dinner looms ahead of them. He wishes to find her before the festivities begin. _

_ He stalks down an airy corridor supported by tall ornate columns. He hears echoes of laughter farther down the hall and the festivities, he presumes, have begun early. _

_ Only he knows those voices - he recognizes them. _

_ Kylo rounds the corner and spots her. Rey. Her long hair frames her face, her dress is simple and elegant. Her lightsaber remains sheathed in a belt looped around the dress with a blaster on the other side. Still practical no matter the occasion. _

_ Kylo thinks she looks beautiful, a vision. _

_ And she is talking with three of his Knights. _

_ His stomach churns. _

_ Their masks are off and something is being discussed in earnest. Rey uses her hands to aid her words, she smiles in response to something a Knight says. It is her wide, happy smile - the one that displays her dimples. _

_ Dimples that he has planted kisses on, causing her to twist away from him while laughing. _

_ Kylo wonders when his Knights developed a sense of humor. He wonders when he ever saw them smile, saw them laugh. _

_ One of them grins at Rey, a dopey, dazed smile. Another Knight motions to the lightsaber locked into his belt, clearly explaining something very important. Kylo rolls his eyes. _

_ He realizes he might not be the only man vying for her affections. He realizes anyone but him is a socially acceptable suitor for Rey. _

_ Even a Knight of Ren. _

_ The Knight touches her shoulder and all thoughts erase from Kylo’s mind. A hot, blinding buzz reverberates throughout his skull. _

_ They are shamelessly ogling her and being quite obvious about it. Rey is too preoccupied with whatever she is saying to notice the way their eyes are glued to her. She is humble and does not comprehend her appeal to men and women alike. How her curiosity and passion draws them in. _

_ It takes every fiber of his being not to walk over and deck the Knights. All of them. _

_ Kylo Ren is embarrassed by the depth of his jealousy, his possessiveness. He needs to do away with the possessiveness: Rey will never tolerate it. _

_ Rey can chat and laugh with anyone she pleases. She would tell him as much. _

_ He really should go - he really should find a fresher and dress for dinner. But his brain seems to malfunction, the order from his mind never makes it to his feet. _

_ Kylo does not realize he is glaring, his face incensed until she turns in his direction. _

_ “Supreme Leader Ren,” Rey’s eyebrows arch. The grins on the Knight’s faces fade. _

_ He dismisses them with a look. _

_ Finally, for the time being, he is alone with Rey. She peers down the hall before walking over to him. _

_ “What is wrong?” She asks. _ _A crease appears between her brows._

_ “Nothing is wrong,” Kylo’s cheeks tinge pink. He tries to change the subject. “You don’t have to call me that, you know. Supreme Leader. Not anymore.” _

_ It doesn’t work. _

_ “Mmhm,” Rey quirks a soft side smile, “You do realize you have all the subtlety of a bantha?" _

_ Kylo turns redder still, but he's matching her smile now, albeit a bit more sheepish. _

_ “Were they bothering you? Harassing you?” _

_ “The Knights? Oh, no. We were discussing ships. I asked Blaine why not all TIE fighters have generators or hyperdrives. Why just interceptors? Last week I configured a hyperdrive sequence…” _

_ Blaine. Kylo bristles. So they are on a first name basis. _

_ Rey launches into a detailed mechanical analysis about hyperdrives and Kylo tries to keep up. Admittedly, his privileged upbringing did not allow him the same hands-on technical experience Rey had on Jakku. Lack of formal education does not dull her intelligence._

_ Kylo hopes he does not appear bored - she is sharp in so many ways that he isn’t. _

_ “Anyway,” Rey says, “It was a surprisingly normal conversation. They aren’t as…” _

_ “Evil as you thought?” Kylo offers. _

_ “That’s not quite...” _

_ “Loathsome?” _

_ “No,” Rey lets out a laugh. “They aren’t as unbalanced as I expected. Dark adept yes, but I always pictured them…” _

_ “As monsters.” _

_ The levity of the conversation ends there. The hopeful display Rey presents wavers. _ _She is composed and steady when she looks at him, but something is off. _

_Kylo senses it. _

_ Apprehension replaces her usual upbeat optimism. The glimmer of fear in her eyes sets his heart racing faster. _

_ They are not meant to speak in private like this, cornered away together in a dark enclave. Not unless in an official negotiation meeting with security outside the door. _

_ Kylo will break any rule, cross any line for Rey. _

_ He fears what she is about to say. Kylo worries his possessive jealousy is the final straw for her. Maybe she thinks things between them should have ended a while ago. _

_ It would be a pragmatic decision to walk away and focus fully on their new responsibilities. Agreements have been signed and there is much work to do. _

_ For someone usually straight-forward, Rey holds back. _

_ “What is it? Whatever it is, you can tell me." _

_ “No,” Rey shakes her head, “It’s not the right time. After the dinner. Maybe tomorrow morning, or during our next meeting.” _

_ Maybe never, Kylo thinks. He feels her anxiety through the force - not anxiety at hurting him, but angering him. _

_ “You’re worrying me, Rey. Please tell me,” Kylo braces for her to end it between them. _

_ "I… I'm…” Rey clamps her mouth shut. She looks around them. Not a person in sight. _

_ Kylo takes her hand into his and squeezes it reassuringly. His gentle touches and soft looks are reserved only for her. _

_ “Tell me. You’re what?” His face shows deep concern. Rey lets out a slow controlled breath. _

_ “I’m pregnant, Kylo. Three weeks, according to the droid at medbay.” _

_ Her sentence hangs thick in the air between them. _

_ “You’re pregnant.” _

_ His shock turns to joy but she can’t seem to sense it. _

_ Kylo never thought to ask - he just assumed that like him, she had taken precautions. _

_ Rey reads the question in his face before he can conceal it. _

_ “I did get the shot,” she says defensively, “The chances of it failing are statistically...I don’t see how it...” she bites her lower lip. Her strong front cracks as a tear escapes from the corner of her eye. _

_ Then, determination, “I understand if you don’t want to be involved. It’s a terrible time to have a baby...but I am keeping it.” _

_ The force reveals her deepest fears to Kylo: Him walking away, denying any of it. Abandoning her. Dark anger shadowing his face, his red saber ignited as he thrashes at everything and anything in his path. Calling her ugly names, unforgivable names. Insisting she get rid of it. _

_ Her fears expose the uncertainty that still exists between them, even after everything they’ve shared. _

_ For him, it is beyond what he thought he could ever have with her. A family. _

_ “It’s not a terrible time to have a baby, Rey.” _

_ He uses one finger to angle her face so she can see that there is no judgement in his eyes. Only love. _

_ “And I want to be involved. More than involved, actually.” _

_ She buckles and tears roll unchecked, silently streaming down her cheeks. He holds her in an embrace that he never wants to end, one that tells her everything will be alright. He lost Rey once. He won't lose her again. _

_ He brushes her hair away from her face. Sometimes the simplest, most innocent forms of contact are the most intimate. _

_ Cradling her face, Kylo leans in and kisses her. He tastes the salt from her tears and thumbs them away. _

_ “A baby...we're going to have a baby, Rey. We can be a family, if you’ll have me.” _

_ He pulls her close against his chest, wrapping his cloak around them. Rey allows her head to rest against his willing shoulder. _

_ Fresh tears soak his tunic. _

_ Tears of relief. _

_ “I love you,” he murmurs at a volume only meant for her to hear, “I want to marry you. Will you? Will you marry me, Rey?” _

***

Kylo is pulled back to the present when his daughter wriggles. She burrows her face into his chest and he checks that she is still nestled in safely. 

His pace increases until he reaches the turbolift. More than a few inquisitive glances are thrown his way.

Hux does a double take as he marches past. 

The smooth ascent of the lift soothes his daughter. Kylo finds it fitting that she accompanies him to pick up the rings he designed with Rey in mind.

“Don’t tell your mother what we’re doing. Not yet,” he whispers to her as she sleeps. 

Next time he proposes he hopes Rey will say yes. 


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> writing muses are weird guys 😂 this came out of no where. maybe a distraction until the new tros trailer?  
Rey POV. Takes place right after Babywearing when Rey walks off with Finn to train.  
*Most of this is a flashback that takes place after the line break.*
> 
> Thanks for reading. you all have been sooo sweet with your feedback.  
***

“Rey?” Finn asks as they walk through the flagship’s maze-like corridors.

“Hmm?”

“Kylo. He’s into it - _ really _into it. Being a dad, I mean.”

“He is.” Rey feels herself smile, “Can you believe how much has changed?”

“No. I still remember,” he pauses as they enter the turbolift and the doors slide shut, “when you told me. Do you remember that day?”

“How could I forget?” She asks as they descend to the floor where the fight simulator is located. There is a gnawing question in Rey’s mind, one that has been there for quite some time. She turns to Finn.

“Did you know? Even though I didn’t specify it was him, did you know he was the father?”

“Rey. _Please._ Of course I did.”

"Oh. Well."

"I'm just glad you're not sick anymore."

Rey laughs. 

"Me too. I am glad for so many things."

And she is. For her friendship with Finn, for her daughter, for Kylo.

The terror she once felt feels far away.

*************

The scalding hot water feels soothing on Rey’s skin. The heat is restorative to her muscles, it replenishes her energy, it refreshes her mind. Showers are the only source of comfort she has had these past few mornings. She takes a moment to rest her head against the cool tile wall and inhales a deep breath while exhaling slowly. 

The constant nausea and new aches in her body are driving her crazy. Sleeping is near impossible and she is stressed to the point of madness. 

The droid at medbay told her in its matter-of-fact way that nausea did not typically peak until 8 weeks into gestation.

Kriffing bullshit.

Rey blanches at the oncoming wave of nausea, her body shivering as she tries to fight it down. Blindly, she reaches for a towel. 

_ Rey. You’re up early again. Everything okay? _

Oh no.

No no no.

She needs to remember to keep her wall up. Specifically, the wall she constructed to keep certain bits of information from making their way through the Force to Kylo.

_ I’m fine. Preparing for the summit means early mornings. _

She senses him forming a response.

_ I understand. We’ll meet later. Take care of yourself. If I were there I would… _

_ Thank you, Kylo. I will. _

Rey cuts off the Force before he can continue the conversation. 

Kylo doesn’t know about the pregnancy. And yet, he grows more attentive and affectionate each time they meet. He doesn’t hide anything from her. He is transparent, and the Force reveals what he wants - and it isn’t endless sex sessions. 

Not that either of them particularly _ mind _what goes on during their negotiations, but she sees his deepest desires clear as day: he wants to be with her outside of confined walls, outside of secret spaces. He thinks the alliance between the Order and Resistance is stable enough for them to come out as a couple.

He thinks of them as a couple.

Rey disagrees - about the coming out bit - and she lets him know it. 

Gently, and through the Force, of course.

Kylo seems to be making up for all the years he spent isolated and without human touch. He finds ways to hold her longer, to kiss her just for the sake of kissing her, he tries to make her laugh and…oh kriff.

Rey quickly kneels onto the floor, one hand holding back her hair as she vomits into the toilet.

Not good. Nope. The opposite of good.

She needs to appear presentable and composed when the First Order arrives for the summit. Or is it the Order? She frowns. Hux is the only one who still refers to the organization as the First Order and that seems out of habit more than anything.

She needs to finish her paperwork, she has meetings to attend, she needs to ask her droid to help her finish off the dress for the banquet. At the top of her list is a private briefing with Leia to discuss...Rey stops.

Leia.

This - this whole _ thing _ Rey realizes, will make Leia a grandmother.

Why is her vision suddenly blurry? Rey palms her eyes, trying not to cry. She simply doesn’t have _ time _ to deal with this right now.

Time, it seems, has always been a theme for Rey. 

Rey is a numbers person. She pays a lot of attention to dates, to time. 

For too long on Jakku she lived life on a timeline, measuring experiences, successes, failures. She gave herself credit for all the times she survived. She kept track of the days she spent waiting for her family to rescue her. 

She’s come a long way since then. 

She holds a reputable position that acknowledges her strength and years of hard work. She found her family within the Resistance. For a long time she stopped counting. 

But now, she finds herself counting again. It started with one.

She was one day late. 

Twenty four hours late.

864,000 seconds late.

It should have been insignificant.

On Jakku she was hardly regular. Rey chalked it up to a poor diet and perhaps genetics. The reality was that on Jakku she was not having sex and a missed cycle was a blessing. It meant one less thing she had to deal with on the dusty, hellish desert landscape.

But now her cycle runs like clockwork. It has been predictable since she joined the Resistance.

Convinced the contraceptive shot was imbalancing her hormones, Rey consulted with a medical droid. After a series of non-invasive tests it diagnosed her as pregnant.

The droid continued on as if the news wasn’t world shattering, rattling off numbers and statistics of how rare this was, but not impossible. When it gave her an approximate due date she broke out into a cold sweat.

Rey flatly responded that she couldn’t be pregnant and left.

After waiting a short time to gather her wits, she returned to medbay. Surely the droid would assess her correctly this time?

No luck. Three weeks pregnant.

Three weeks. 

That’s barely pregnant, isn’t it? 

Rey tries to find a reason not to take the results seriously and fails. Reality crashes through the defensive mental barrier she is so effective at creating.

Her mind is an overwhelmed blur and she churns with more emotions than she can make sense of, but one still dominates them all: shock.

Against all odds she and Kylo manage to create a baby. Rey thinks the term _ against all odds _ is starting to become a defining term for them. Against all odds they find their way back to each other, and against all odds Kylo decides to change.

He is more tender and gentle than she ever thought possible. She assumed becoming Supreme Leader would harden him, push him into an abyss of darkness that he would never emerge from. 

He is still unflappable, powerful, dangerous - but not with her. Never with her.

She flushes as she recalls the expressions on his face, each one seared into her memory: his vulnerability, his honesty, his lust, his love. 

The way she threads her hands through his beautiful dark hair as he moves inside her. The way his fingers stroke the warm wetness between her legs, his thumb slowly circling her clit. The way he sends her into a soaring state of euphoria. She cries out his name under the intensity of his dark gaze, not wanting any of it to end.

There is something nice about surrendering to him when they are together. She knows she is his equal in power and ability - they both know it. But for once, she likes letting down her guard with him. She likes telling him how she wants it, she likes giving him permission to take control.

And Force help her, it is exactly that - those blissful unions when everything feels_ right _\- that have gotten her into this situation.

Three weeks.

She really should wait. She should see if it sticks before telling him. 

It’s still early. What did the droid tell her? That if she makes it to twelve or thirteen weeks the fetus will have a good chance of growing to full term? 

Right.

Thirteen weeks. She can wait that long. No matter that that beginning of the summit is today. He’s going to want to see her as soon as possible, and if he doesn’t keep the mask on everyone will know how he feels. Everyone will see the way he looks at her.

A sharp rapping noise on her door jolts Rey from her sitting position. 

“Rey?” Finn’s muffled voice floats into her apartment, “You up?”

Rey slaps an open hand to her forehead. How had she forgotten their early morning briefing?

“A minute!” She calls, hurrying to put on her clothes with more effort than is necessary.

“Reeeeeey,” Finn groans, “It’s 7am. Can I come in for some caf? Please?”

Rey stares at herself in the mirror and she looks...well. She looks awful. 

“Sorry about that,” the door swings open and Finn gives her a hug. 

Rey can imagine how she appears to him: eyes red around the edges, slightly puffy from crying with dark half circles beneath them. But she blinks away her exhaustion—she is used to it by now—and looks him up and down silently. Finn stares at her, a curious expression on his features.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you. I’m running on 3 hours of - you okay? You look a little pale,” he explains.

“Oh, I’m fine. So caf, is that right?”

“That would be great,” Finn says and strides across her apartment to the bathroom.

Rey thinks about how nice it is to have Finn here, how normal it feels. She prepares a cup of tea for herself as the coffee brews. She takes out her datapad and logs in.

Rey finds herself buried in outlines and summaries when Finn comes out of the bathroom with a confused expression.

“Rey are you - are you sick? The toilet and uh - the floor - it’s pretty messy in there.” He cocks his head back towards the bathroom.

Shit.

Rey’s pallid face grows even more pale.

_ Idiot, idiot, forgetful idiot, _ she chastises herself. 

Finn sits down next to her.

“You know you can be honest with me, right?”

The sincerity in his voice breaks her heart. 

“I do.”

“And you would tell me if something was going on. If,” he swallows thickly, “If Kylo Ren was hurting you? Because if he is Rey, if this summit is making you so nervous you’re sick - then we’ve got to tell Leia. You can’t suffer in silence.”

Finn has every right to his reservations about Kylo. He objected to Kylo being in a room alone with Rey. His concern touches her, and Rey’s jaw clenches to stop from crying.

She knows this isn’t going to be easy. The Resistance will need to know eventually. The revelation paralyzes her with fear. When they learn who the father is - and they will- Rey shakes like a leaf. 

It’s not like her to shrink in the face of a challenge, but there is someone else to think about now. She is not the only one who will bear the consequences of all this, and there _ will _be consequences. Serious ones. She needs to protect her baby. Their baby. 

Kylo will want to protect them, won’t he? He won’t reject her, he won’t deny the baby. 

Right?

Kylo deserves to hear this news first. He does. But Rey could use a little tenderness right now. That's all she needs. Just a little support. 

Rey closes her eyes, exhales, and decides to just come out with it.

“I'm pregnant, Finn.”

Finn’s eyes widen and scrutinize her face. There are no other outward signs of how he is taking the news.

Finally, he clears his throat, "I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. Is this good news or-"

“It wasn't planned. And I don’t want to talk about the father. He doesn’t know yet.”

Finn runs a hand over his short hair, “Oh, wow. Okay. Rey - can I ask one question? Did the father hurt you? Will he hurt you if you tell him?”

“That’s two questions. Three, technically.”

Finn shrugs. Rey sighs.

“No. He would never hurt me. He wants me, but I don’t know if he wants…” Rey bites her tongue, afraid she’s given too much away, “I don’t know what to do Finn.”

“What do_ you _ want Rey?”

“I want...” she looks down at her feet, then up again, “I want to have this baby.”

“Do you love the father?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

“Does he love you? And I mean_ love_. Not obsession, not infatuation. But real love.”

Rey nods, afraid to talk for fear of breaking down completely. 

Maker, she’s a mess.

Finn is so kind, so free of judgement. In the face of unexpected news he keeps a calm resolve.

“Then you should tell him. If things don’t go right, I’ll be here. I’ll be here for both of you, Rey.”

Finn hugs her, oblivious to her tears and runny nose. After a long moment they separate and she offers a watery smile.

“Thank you Finn. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” 

“Hey,” he squeezes her hand, “what good is friendship if we aren’t there for each other during the hard times? You accepted me even after I lied about being a Resistance member. After I violated your trust.”

“Ah,” Rey waves that memory away, “that was different. This is...well...not everyone is going to be happy, Finn.”

“Because of who the father is.”

It’s a statement, not a question.

“Yes,” Rey says, annoyed that there’s still a quiver in her voice.

A moment of silence.

“Eh. They’ll get over it.” Finn tries to sound casual.

Rey has a feeling that Finn knows exactly who the father is.

It makes his acceptance all the more meaningful. That he is willing to look past it and act as a pillar of support. Because Force help her, she is going to need someone besides Kylo to help her through the beginning stages of this. Someone within the Resistance.

She is grateful it is someone she loves dearly. 

Friendship is a form of love and Finn loves in full measure - he always has.

Rey knows this baby will be lucky to have Finn in his or her life. No matter what happens. 


End file.
